The walls of my home office are painted a color that Sherwin-Williams calls Blue Nile. It’s a melancholy color. A deep, dark blue-green that shimmers ever so slightly. The darkness makes the room feel even smaller than it is, which is what I wanted—to feel entombed. For so many years I was a broke single mother, and this is the first time I’ve had my own writing space. Lately, my writing block hasn’t come from the inside but from the outside. I’m married now, and the tug to spend all of my time with my people wars against my desire to create. Can I admit that, sometimes, I miss being lonely?
Loneliness was a dark expanse where words came to me unbidden. Now I have to work to find them within the confines of companionship, so I shut myself in my room of Blue Nile where everything is placed just so, like grave goods.
Here, a framed black-and-white photograph of my grandparents.
Here, my first dog’s footprint in clay.
Here, a string of hand-knit rainbow hearts.
Here, a photo of my toddler son smiling in a meadow full of huckleberries.
Here, a piece of shale from the New Mexican desert.
Here, a folded piece of paper with a spell written on it.
The spell was intended to bring me love and a second book, and I have both, which brings me such joy. Now I cast a spell to bring the words back to me, but first, I need to bring her back to me. I miss the woman who wrote her way out of loneliness, so I cast this spell for her, for me, for us. I cast this spell to find myself, and my words, again.
Intention itself is a kind of spell. Used intentionally, objects can be a form of prayer, so I don’t just write spells on a piece of paper. I curate my space with color, forms, and sounds. I light candles, I place stones in a circle around them, I let my eyes linger on the Blue Nile walls, I play the same writing playlist that I’ve been playing for years, and because it can’t be forced, I let the rituals bring the writing to me. All I have to do is make the space for it.
—Kelly Sundberg, author of The Answer Is in the Wound (Roxane Gay Books, 2025)
Photo credit: Rachel Barehl