My husband once described to me how watching a baseball game with his father allowed for conversations, for closeness that was otherwise hard to reach between them. He said he thought it worked this way because they were spectators side by side with a shared, external third thing of the game to focus on, and that misdirection allowed intimacy to slip through in ways it otherwise couldn’t.
My suggestion for moving out of a writing rut uses a similar logic of focus and distraction. What you should do is think of a friend who lives elsewhere, who you miss, and start up a correspondence with them.
These, however, will not be straight-ahead letters. Rather, you will be using the medium of “a third thing.” Choose a shared subject to write to one another about. Ideally the external subject should be something that sparks both of your minds a bit, but isn’t your or your friend’s passion. When you write your letters your goal is twofold: to communicate with your dear friend, and to form a shared portrait of another entity.
For example, you can choose a film that you’ll both watch with the goal of writing your letters about the main actress. You are in the process of studying her together. When you’re writing, feel free to mix what you know about the actress in real life with the role she’s playing. Blend that with news about your own life—both daily concerns and bigger questions—the things you want to tell your friend. Look at the actress’s face, clothes, and movements; describe them with the knowledge that your friend has seen what you’ve seen. Project onto her freely. You don’t have to love, or even like, your shared subject. You can use what bothers you as more fuel for the letters. Exchange first letters and then repeat the process. You might choose to watch a different movie with the same actress. Keep writing and stay with your shared external subject. It will become a code for the both of you.
I believe in letter writing, and friendship, and shared subjects to help generate new work. I believe this kind of game loosens the mind up because it is both about intimate communication and studying something outside of yourself. This kind of iterative process reminds me of why I write: to communicate with others, to learn and to study, and to bring disparate things into intimate triangulation.
—Joni Murphy, author of Barbara (Astra House, 2025)
Photo credit: Justine Kurland